- Age / Gender:
- 21, Male
- All Stats >
- Community Stats
Level 6 Blank Slate
Ranked as Civilian
Contact Info / Websites
For explanation, check out this thread.
Now, the story:
Once upon a time, Jim was sat in his bedroom, playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time. He wasn't doing very well, so he threw the controller at his dog. The dog yelped and leapt out of the way. It's big puppy dog (literally) eyes stared up at Jim, seemingly getting bigger as the seconds passed; Jim was starting to feel some remorse now. A harsh crack split the sweet silence. Jim jumped to his feet, "What the flan?" he exclaimed. It took him a second to realise that the dog's eyes actually were growing, at quite an exponential rate. The dog was, by now, totally dead. "Oh Christ, what the hell!?" Jim shouted at the dog's corpse and ever enlarging eye balls.
The eyes were now at least a metre in diameter, and still growing. The room was covered in purple paint. "Shit, this is bad. Hang on, why the communist is my dog's blood paint?" Jim had, in that moment, forgotten that his room had simply been painted purple a few days ago by his mother, in preparation for the arrival of his sister. Layered over the paint was, indeed, a smattering of viscous blood.
In the confusion of the purple paint, Jim had totally forgotten about the dog and it's eyes. The eyes, it seemed, had stopped growing. The dog was floating in the air. Or rather, the dog's eyeballs were floating and the dog (named Orange Juice) were hanging off the eyes.
"James," Jim's mother screeched, "dinner's ready!"
Oh shit. "Shit shit shit." Jim, realising just how suspicious this whole dog floating from it's two metre eyeballs situation was, decided it was entirely necessary to take decisive action. Having decided to take said action, he flapped around the room in a useless panic. He himself observed that he must have looked like some variety of repulsive chicken-kangaroo hybrid. It was right then that the sound of the Soles of Jim's Mother's Feet's Shoes hitting the stairs reached Jim's ears. After another torrent of shit's, Jim had still failed to do a single thing in aid of his situation. Because of this, it came of no surprise to Jim when his mother opened his door to discover a bleeding, floating dog.
Jim was just stood there inertly as his mother screamed at him for around 30 seconds. She was a short, stressed looking woman, wearing a frankly repugnant green sweater and grey trousers which really highlighted the way her vagina bulged as if it was just an extra roll of fat. It was a jolly good job that Jim's mother was so angry about the dog; if she wasn't, she would have noticed Jim staring at her considerable vaginal bulge with the wonderment of a child seeing a dead animal for the first time. Jim finally snapped out of his vagina induced trance, and woke up to what was happening. His mother could not be allowed to go on, and tell the police then disown him. So he took the only sensible course of action. He punched her in the face.
She lay motionless, apart from the heaving of her overused breasts. Good. She was still alive yet totally unconscious. Now another problem arose. How would Jim get the dog out of his house?
He wouldn't. Jim decided that it was frankly too much trouble after a bout of early morning gaming and knocking out his mom, especially since he has to be at school in...7 minutes ago. Jim grabbed his red backpack and positively fell out of the house. The falling merely preceded a barely-coordinated sprint to his school gates. On the way, it never occurred to Jim that his problems would still be there after school. It did, however, occur to him that it may all have been a dream. But, as he would discover, this particular day would not be a dream, but a complete, total, absolute nightmare.
It was only in his first class, upon being asked by Mrs. Fazakerly to remove his homework from his bag and give it to her , that he realised just how much he had fucked up earlier on and how bad things were. In fact, it was only the slightest, 'anyone could do it,' fuck up which had fucked things up for him at that moment. He unzipped his bag, glad to know that he had for once done his homework. He was not glad to realise, however, that he had picked up the wrong backpack. He only realised he had when the first sight which greeted him when he opened his bag was that of 'Horny Pokémon Chicks 8: Misty, I choose you!'.
"Oh, umm, ohhhhh..." Jim mumbled this kind of thing for a second, before moving his prized hentai to one side to see if perhaps, by some Jehovah scale miracle, he had accidentally put his homework in his 'porno sack'. The extra check only revealed to him the crudely titled 'Legolas' Furry Vag'. By now, Mrs. Fazakerly's wiry frame had positioned itself in such a way that Mrs. Fazakerly's eyes were piercing right into his bag and focusing on Legolas, with his legs wide open to reveal a frankly animalistic vagina.
Fucked up, I know, but that's the point. Write what you want. It's not really to impress others, more for personal pleasure, but it's always cool to share and see what others write down.